what was a fairytale ended tragically. My forever fiance suddenly died on Aug 20 2007. As i found independance i also found him as fate and fairytales could perfect such a story. We found each other when we had only found ourselves and together we were one. We are/were soulmates never ever had i felt such happiness. Complete knowing lifes journey was all the more sweeter with my beautiful angel holding my hand. He, Jeremy Matthew, is now my angel above and as much as his peace and watchful eye comforts me nothing will ever amount to him being by my side. I was so cynical about the whole other half, complete, soulmate stuff but not once did i doubt it existed when it was my own existance. Now all i have to do is try and find faith and keep some spirituality cos i am pretty damn bitter about the world we live in and such thing as karma. To take such a gentle, generous, tortured yet recently reborn soul such as jeremy's and take him away from the only pure happiness he has felt, the triumph over PTSD, someone with such hope and so much to give (he volunteered at hospitals would help anyone or anything in his power) a heart of gold, strength and will yet take him away fucking bullshit if thats what karma is. This man thought for over a decade he must be horrible and deserve ill karma throughout the tortures he endured. Regardless of being my fiance he was truly the most inspirational, gifted, giving soul and as grateful as i am for my time with him i feel more was deserved.
 Resurrected fairy wings have been torn but she aint giving in just yet, no idea how many tears i have to endure, no idea how many more i can take but its got to be the right way so i can reunite. Yes i want to fast track it but i won't!

Current Mood: lonely